God works in the silence

One thing that is common in seminary formation is to participate in silent retreats throughout the academic year. Some of these are very brief, perhaps only a day, while others can be quite lengthy. Many seminaries in the United States, like Mount St. Mary’s where I am, begin the spring semester with a five-day silent retreat. Firstly, this fulfills obligations set by Canon Law. Men seeking ordination later in the spring need to make a retreat before being ordained, plus all other seminarians need to make an annual retreat. More than just fulfilling obligations, however, these retreats offer us the time and the silence needed to help us grow closer to the Lord.

These silent retreats at seminary are generally led by either a priest or a bishop. The retreats can vary, but at Mount St. Mary’s they usually offer two different talks per day for the seminarians to pray with in their free time. They also offer daily Mass, confessions, and spiritual direction. The rest of the day is left to the seminarian during the retreat. He can pray, exercise, read, take a nap, or as I like to do, go hiking.

In early January, our five-day silent retreat was led by a Discalced Carmelite priest from Washington D.C. He led a retreat that focused on the life of St. Therese of Lisieux who was a Discalced Carmelite nun in the late 1800s. His talks went chronologically through St. Therese’s life, and he related her life and struggles to that which we might be struggling with during the retreat and our lives. He did a great job with his talks and many seminarians enjoyed them. Despite having good talks and an environment conducive to prayer, I—like many others—struggle with prayer during silent retreats.

Often times for me, prayer is dry during silent retreats. Just like anyone who has ever prayed before, I get distracted and struggle to calm my soul and mind and don’t seem to feel or hear God. Providentially, this is something that our speaker addressed. He referenced St. John of the Cross often, who was also a Carmelite, and talked about the purification that happens to us when we struggle in prayer. St. John of the Cross calls this the dark night of the soul. It is a process where God allows us to experience dryness and to struggle in prayer in order that we learn to more fully trust in him and not in the consolations that he gives us.

I’ve heard this idea plenty of times before. However, one additional point our speaker made was that when we undergo dryness, we will begin to experience a greater thirsting for God deep within our souls and that this will help us fix our desires on God and help us to break away from unhealthy attachments to things of this world. His talk brought about a much greater understanding of these movements in prayer for me. I’ve become more aware of these movements and have started to see the fruit from them and from silent retreats as a whole.

Every seminarian has a different experience with silent retreats. Some men really thrive during the silence and others greatly struggle. Regardless, it’s important that all of us make time for silence in our lives. It is the place where we truly nurture our relationship with the Lord and where he works most profoundly in our lives.