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May 2, 2022Recently, on a day of sleet and swirling, snapping wind, my friend Lila and I circled the circumference of the corner where abortions happen each Wednesday in Fargo. It was a rather still portion of day with little traffic in and out of the Kopelman building. But we knew that, internally at least, many hearts were far from restful.
In time, we spotted a vehicle around the corner from the facility, parked at a distance, with two people inside. The woman in the driver’s seat kept glancing in the direction of the Red River Women’s Clinic as if expecting someone to emerge any moment.
Knowing these quiet moments are often the best opportunities for conversations, we headed toward the vehicle, readying our hearts for the much-needed Holy Spirit’s guidance.
Approaching the SUV, we waved at the couple, and, with smiles, motioned for them to lower their window, which they did. Lila spoke first: “We are out here today hoping to help people. Is there anything we can do for you?” From there, their story began to unfold.
Their daughter was inside the facility, they admitted, despite their general stance against abortion. In this case, they didn’t feel they had a choice. Not only is she diabetic, they explained, but her baby was discovered to be missing a vital organ—the heart—and her doctor felt abortion was the only reasonable option. Continuing the pregnancy could create complications and endanger her life.
We asked if the doctor was local. Yes, they said, confirming that it was a Sanford physician, and holding up the referral paper with its instructions. Again, they affirmed that they did not want to do this, but their hearts were conflicted, because they didn’t want their daughter—whom they’d adopted as a preemie—to be put at further risk.
I am of the firm mindset that abortion need never be an option; that there’s always some way around these complicated cases. And they are complicated but not insurmountable. I couldn’t accept that the planned death of their grandchild was the only option. It saddened me to think they’d been led to that dark place.
A few stories flashed through my mind, including that of a friend who knew her baby would not be viable, yet how she and her husband went through with that pregnancy anyway. They even had professional photos taken of her with her pregnant belly, their three other daughters surrounding them. Later, the couple shared how precious were the moments when they got to hold their littlest daughter, even though her life outside the womb lasted only half an hour.
I also recalled my miscarriage in May 1999, and how after learning our baby had died in utero, I declined the on-call doctor’s insistence I have a D&C to extract our third child. In that moment of grief, I had the strong thought of wanting to allow my body to expel our baby on its own. I miscarried that evening. Hard as it was, I was grateful to be able to deal with my feelings in the privacy of our home, without medical intervention.
I realize some situations would have merited the medical procedure, but allowing the child to pass naturally reduced my grieving, and gave me some peace about having lost that dear one so unexpectedly.
My experience showed me that, having decided to let things progress naturally, my loss was less severe. The difference here, of course, is that this young lady’s baby had not yet died. But she would live with knowing she had helped him or her die. That is no small thing.
I did tell the couple this personal story, but they were resolved, and we ended up walking away with prayer our only offering.
Though realizing our efforts for saving that child were futile, we always hope that something we share plants a seed that might bring life elsewhere. The situation has continued to trouble me, however, especially in knowing that, while our local abortion facility brings in outside abortionists to do these procedures, some local physicians are still facilitating abortion through referral.
It would be great if more medical professionals knew about resources such as The National Catholic Center for Bioethics, which helps with such moral, medical dilemmas. The Catholic Medical Association at www.cathmed.org could also advise.
This day on the sidewalk brought more questions than answers and reminded me that it takes a whole community to help solve the problem of abortion. Let’s keep shining the light in whatever corners we find ourselves.
