My vocation story

 I was probably the last one anyone would expect when it comes to having a Carmelite vocation. A great talker who enjoys horses, archery, reading, crafts, music, games, and even a dance or three would not, at first, seem a very likely candidate. But our Good Shepherd likes to lead the little lambs most wouldn’t expect to the green pastures of Mount Carmel, and to make a long story short, well, here I am.  

There’s no set beginning or glorious revelation that marks the “start” of my vocation story. My family has been close to Carmel of Mary (in friendship and distance) years before I was born, so when my parents (married on the feast of St. Teresa of Avila, no less) had their three children, myself being the eldest, Carmel was no foreign place. We attended many of the yearly Pilgrimages, dropped off produce and baked goods, visited with Mother Madonna, and with a parish priest mentioning possible “future Carmelites” with a look at a young, impressionable Ariana and her sister, the seeds of a Carmelite vocation were quite well-founded.  

In 2017, my parents miraculously found the funds to take our family of five overseas to celebrate the 100th Anniversary of Fatima with a pilgrimage group. My siblings and I were very close in age with the three Fatima children. Being young, I did not retain as much from our pilgrimage to Rome, Fatima, and Assisi as I retained a fond liking for gelato. While not touching me profoundly, I believe the trip touched me enough for Our Lady of Fatima to begin to help me realize that I, like Lucia, was being called to Carmel, even if I remained clueless at the time.  

A year later, in a 7th grade Health class, the topic, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” came. Much to my surprise, I found “Carmelite” the first thought in my mind. Much to my determination, I was not going to say such a religious statement in a class of public schoolers who don’t take religion personally, and I was going to find a “better” answer. I couldn’t think of one. Just when I was thinking, “don’t make me go first,” I was called on to go first. With my heart racing, I said “Carmelite Nun.” If I didn't have everyone’s attention before, I did then. In that moment, there was suddenly a great peace deep within me. I like to think of that moment as a “Holy Spirit high,” and I needed it as I was suddenly the talk of the 7th and 8th grade classes at lunch an hour later.  

It wasn’t until 9th grade, when we switched to homeschooling, that I really felt firmly about my vocation. Or rather, it clung so firmly I couldn’t think otherwise. Somehow, I just knew... and my parents did not yet. So, driving home from Wahpeton with Mom in the passenger seat, gripping the steering wheel so hard my hands stuck to it, my mind trying to think of the right words, I very clumsily asked, “How did you know you were supposed to marry Dad?” She said, “I don’t know, I just knew (very helpful!). Why?” I hesitated a second. “Because, I think I’m called to be a Carmelite.” Silence never felt so long and heavy, but a moment later she suggested I write a letter to Carmel of Mary. When I got home, my 14-year-old self locked herself in her room and, after several crumpled papers, sealed a letter to Carmel of Mary.  

On Dec. 13, I received a purple envelope with my name in fancy script. With a deep breath, I opened the letter and bright pink paper contained the joyful words that they too believed I had a vocation, and Mother wanted my parents and I to come for a visit. From then on, I visited monthly for two short hours.  

I am blessed to have parents who always supported my vocation. The rest of my family had mixed opinions, but I remained firm. I realize now that the friends I had become close to, the jobs I worked, and the farm life on which I was raised, were all to prepare me for Carmel. Graduation came and “you’re crazy” became my favorite response to “my” plans. That last year at home, I went out of my comfort zone to be with those I loved, whether it meant hard conversations or running farming equipment. And on Aug. 15, two weeks after I turned 18, I entered Carmel. Finally, after four years of waiting I have truly begun my vocation story. What indescribable joy comes with living out the call God has for you!