New Rockford community comforts families mourning the loss of young children

Jacob and Sarah Warren of New Rockford have one living son, Milo. What you don’t know at a glance from seeing their family is that they also have three children in heaven—two lost through miscarriage, and one, Boyd Xavier, who died shortly after birth.

Just three weeks after they suffered the loss of a baby girl in May 2019, Travis and Amy Steele, also of New Rockford, lost their unborn baby at 11 weeks. They believed this baby to be a girl and named her Lily. Travis and Amy knew they wanted to bury their child, but didn’t know how to do so. In the process of finding a space for their daughter, Sarah Warren and Jodi Guler, also of New Rockford, reached out to Amy to offer their comfort and support.

“We developed a friendship over something that is not spoken of often—the loss of an unborn child,” said Guler, who also lost two children through miscarriage. “It is through friendship and the grief of losing Lily that God called Travis and Amy to take steps to begin Lily’s Hope Ministry.”

According to their website, “Lily’s Hope ministry is dedicated to helping families bury and remember their child who died in utero, at birth or shortly after. We believe that though a child’s life may be short, it is far from insignificant. We want to grieve alongside other families who have gone through the same sorrow and aid them in the burial and remembrance of their child. We believe it is of great importance to give families a final resting place for their child and to mourn not only the loss of their child but to be united with others who have experienced a similar loss.”

That final resting place at St. John’s Catholic Cemetery was dedicated on Aug. 23 during a ceremony where families and supporters remembered the lives of 18 unborn babies. Father Reese Weber, pastor of St. John’s Church, New Rockford and Sts. Peter and Paul’s Church, McHenry, and Pastor Mindy Meier from First Congregational Church in New Rockford were present.

“As Catholics we are called to be open to life, but what is often not talked about is that we have to be equally open to the loss of life and the trauma that usually comes with that,” said Steele. “As we all know, we are not guaranteed the family we desire in our humanness, but this isn’t often something that is talked about and supported.”

Through Lily’s Hope, the Guler, Steele, and Warren families learned of many other families who have experienced the loss of an unborn child, some that happened 20, 30, or more years ago. By creating a space to remember all children who have come to the community, even for a short time, families are able to experience healing and unity with others who have experienced a similar loss.

“As Catholics we believe life begins at conception, but what I have found is that many families don’t know how to handle the loss of their tiny baby and often don’t feel justified in doing anything,” said Steele. “We fight—as we should—with great passion for an unborn child’s life who is going to be aborted, but do we acknowledge that mother and father (and their children) who lose a baby in utero? Do we send them cards, make them meals or honor their loss in any way?

“I can’t help but think that as Catholics we are called to bring the gospel to the world this way,” said Guler. “Jesus himself has shown us that supporting each other in suffering and walking the road of suffering together is the greatest way to convert all our hearts.”