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December 9, 2019Last year, I started my journey of seminary formation at St. Gregory the Great Seminary in Seward, Neb. When I first arrived, I had no idea what to expect. I quickly found the first year of seminary is marked by a luster of excitement. Each day brought new experiences, new challenges, and new adventures. On top of these, there was a community of guys to experience all of these new things with, so great friendships were made in the process. I found myself excited for what each week would bring.
This second year, however, I came in wondering how my time would compare to last year. I found myself asking what would be similar, what would be different, and if anything would still seem new after a full year of formation.
The biggest difference is that I’m more at peace this year, more at peace with what I’m doing, where I’m at in life, and that I am doing God’s will.
The first reason is that much of the luster and excitement has started to fade. The excitement of last year was a result of the newness my first year. Many people have probably encountered in their own life experiences that when they first start something, its newness brings an excitement that dissipates with time. The same is true for seminary. Now there is a more meaningful peace and stability that comes with this excitement dissipating. I’m beginning to realize the maturing peace that comes with routine and familiarity.
With this being my second year, I’m more familiar with the way of life here. I have a greater understanding of how things are done and what’s expected. The result is that I’m more at ease because I actually know what I’m doing. This familiarity has also led to a greater appreciation for routine. While new and exciting things are still great and still come around from time-to-time, I appreciate more of the moments where we have a routine week with nothing new or exciting happening. It’s nice to relax a little during these weeks when there’s not a special event going on.
Another thing contributing to this peace is less fear. There are many fears that come with anything new, seminary included. Leaving a familiar life for the unknown can be hard. I know I was worried about what seminary would be like, how hard it would be, whether I would fit in with the guys, whether I would actually be able to learn Latin—or anything else they tried to teach me—among many other fears.
As seminary progressed, these fears of the unknown dissipated. With time I started to realize that we are all imperfect human beings, and I became more aware of my own weakness. Interestingly an awareness of my own weakness led to new fears: fears of inadequacy, that I wouldn’t be good enough, fear of making mistakes, fear that everyone would find out just how weak I actually was.
As the year progressed, it became obvious to me that those in charge of the seminary fully know that all of us are imperfect and that part of the process is recognizing weaknesses and talking about how to grow from them.
This year the weaknesses are still here, but there is more peace surrounding them. I’m not becoming complacent and doing nothing to improve them, but I’m more at peace in acknowledging these weaknesses and bringing them to those who can help me grow from them. This growth in peace has led me to a greater trust in the Lord and his will. The words of St. Paul have taken on new meaning in my life. In my weakness, he is made strong. It’s helped me to realize that his plan will lead me to wherever I need to be. This, more than anything, fills me with peace.
Seth Skjervheim is a Pre-Theology II seminarian studying at St. Gregory the Great Seminary in Seward, Neb.
Editor’s Note: Seminarian Life is a column written by current Diocese of Fargo seminarians. Please continue to pray for them.