The Holy Spirit unlocks our greatest needs on retreat

Blake Ritteman shares his experience from the “Beloved Son” retreat May 25–27 at Maryvale led by Father Jason Lefor. Ritteman is a parishioner of the Cathedral of St. Mary and is the Listener Relations Coordinator for eastern North Dakota and Western Minnesota for Real Presence Radio. The interview was originally published on Real Presence Radio. Edited for content.

What made you decide to go on this retreat?
When I saw it advertised, I was excited. I thought it was something I needed. But then life happened, and I completely forgot about it. Later, my wife invited me to pursue it. It’s amazing how many excuses we can make for ourselves. “I have this or that going on.” But as soon as I received that invitation from my wife, giving me permission to go, there was grace in that. I felt like I could go into the retreat completely.

As far as the need for the retreat, I was arrogant going into it. I’ve heard this language “beloved son” before. I’ve had experience with God the Father before. But once I got to the retreat, I realized I don’t know anything. I need God the Father all the time. All of us need to take an intentional time to be stripped away from everything and allow the Lord to love us where we are.

It’s been 10 plus years since I’ve had a directed retreat. There’s something about coming under the authority of the retreat director to lead you through particular meditations, and it was amazing how God the Father uses that direction to have us go deeper. In prayer, you can sometimes “direct” the prayer and decide what you want to look at, but in a retreat, it’s God the Father working through the director to say, “Blake, here’s what I want you to look at” which makes me squirm in my chair a bit. But how necessary is that we are stripped away to allow God to look at the barriers in our hearts.

Often times the cost of the retreat is a barrier for people. Was that a barrier for you?
It’s hard for me to allow someone to carry a burden for me. My wife had a cost. She had to take care of the kids that weekend. I had the cost of giving up my phone and my Memorial day weekend. St. John Paul II is credited with saying that the more we make a sincere gift of ourselves, the more the Lord reveals to us who we are. When we give ourselves away as a gift, the Lord can use that.

This was a directed retreat. Do you have any experience with silent retreats?
I’m really excited about silent retreats. When I enter into it, the difficulties begin. You get so attuned to the noise around that you get uncomfortable with silence. This is perhaps my own sinful self, but you get uncomfortable with yourself because you see some things in your life that need to be corrected or back in right relationship with the Father. But that’s part of the Christian life, isn’t it? There’s a cross we need to go through and accept and surrender to. I’m naturally more introverted, but in this particular retreat, when I was out by myself in this huge 500 acre nature area, I started praying out loud with, “I thank and praise you that I don’t know how to pray as I ought. I thank and praise you that I don’t know what to say to you.” That unlocked the grace for me. So a silent retreat doesn’t mean you have to keep your mouth shut the whole time. It means you’re quieting the phone and quieting the world around you, so the Father can tap into where he lives in your heart.

When you surrender and say “thank you so much for how uncomfortable I am. Thank you that I want to reach for my phone. Thank you I just want to scroll,” what you’re doing is relating to the Father in a real way. And he does the rest.

What did you take away from this retreat?
I went into this retreat thinking I’d know what it would be. I’d been around Father Lefor a lot. But the Holy Spirit is ever new and present and unlocks what needs to be present. I had this powerful moment of healing with my natural father. Our natural fathers are human. Whether we know it or not, there are going to be wounds we pass on to our children as fathers. So regardless of people’s situation, there’s a need for healing. Through that moment of healing at the retreat, Mary revealed herself and allowed me to be completely open to God the Father’s love for me. She sees Jesus in me, and that gives me the freedom to be bold and remove anxiety. It’s been a real grace for me. I’m so grateful this retreat was offered, for Father Lefor, and for the brothers on retreat with me.

Father Lefor’s next retreat at Maryvale is Beloved Brother set for Aug. 31–Sept. 2. More details at MaryvaleND.org.