Witness to love: “I said ‘I do’, and I meant it!”

​​​​​I’ve learned something over these past few years. It’s hard to sing when you are crying. Why am I crying as I sing? The answer is simple. I have been overcome by another amazing witness to love.  

I travel around the region sharing music with staff and residents at nursing homes as well as assisted living, independent living, and memory care facilities. The people living in these facilities sometimes struggle as they see their physical and mental health decline and as they lose friends and spouses. I have had many residents share with me that they feel “worthless” since they can’t do the things that they used to do. I think this is a natural sentiment (at 63, I feel that way myself sometimes!). It is sad to see how so many seem to be “forgotten” by friends and even family. Some even ask why they are still here and say, “I am ready to go.”  

I listen patiently to their story. It is a cry of their heart. I tell them that it is good that they are prepared to go—but in the meantime, God has a plan for them right here and now. One thing that I try to impress upon them is that their value does not lie in what they can do. It lies in who they are—a precious son or daughter of God! They are valuable simply because they are a person. They don’t have to do anything. They are a human being, not a human doing! There has never been anyone else the same as they are and there never will be. They are a unique, unrepeatable, irreplaceable, indispensable child of God. They are still here because God has a very special plan for them that only they can fulfill.  

One way that I see this idea of the human person lived out is when I witness aging husbands and wives caring tenderly for each other. It is especially moving when one spouse is experiencing severe memory loss and the other shows them patient, genuine love. I met one such couple a few years ago. She was struggling with dementia and her husband was always there with her when I would come and share music. I would make sure to always connect with them before or after I played. Sometimes she would seem to know her husband and sometimes not. It must be incredibly difficult when your spouse no longer seems to recognize who you are. 

That did not deter her husband in the least. He would talk with her as though she could understand everything he was saying—and maybe she could! He would patiently feed her and make sure she looked her best in public. I would sometimes talk privately with him after music and I would tell him how inspiring it was to see how he was continuing to love his wife even in this situation. He looked down as he tried to hold back tears, then looked up at me and in a broken sentence he said, “I said ‘I do’ and I meant it.” With tear-filled eyes, I responded, “Thank you for your witness to love.” 

One day at music, his wife seemed particularly non-interactive and I could see he was patiently trying to connect with her. He asked if I could play the song, Could I Have this Dance by Anne Murray. A few minutes into the program, I played it. I could see him take his wife by the hand and gently “dance” with her by moving their hands back and forth to the rhythm of the music. He had done this countless times before without any reaction from her. But he persisted. 

As we got to the chorus of the song that says, “Could I have this dance for the rest of my life, would you be my partner every night,” she turned to him, gave him a huge smile and began engaging in the “dance” with him. It reminded me of how I would “dance” with my own mother as she was in declining health and memory. That combination of presence, genuine love, music, touch, movement, and the Holy Spirit fostered a connection between my mom and me as well. All of this so moved me that I started to cry myself, right in the middle of the song. I was witnessing what real love is—truly seeking the good of another person—regardless of whether they can respond or not. Love is willing the good of the other, loving them for who they are, not what they can do. 

I had truly been a witness to love that afternoon—a witness to the beauty of marriage vows lived out daily regardless of any response. There were many days she may not have known he was by her side, holding her hand, being present and attending to her needs, but he did it anyway. He knew he was married to her even if she didn’t always realize it. God in his love and mercy that day had given him and me a much-appreciated, but not necessary, confirmation of what a witness of love can do. He said “I do,” and he meant it. 

There are countless places where we can be a witness to love—your marriage, your family, your friends and even strangers. It doesn’t have to be big—a smile and a few kind words can go a long way. The key is to be intentional about reaching out in genuine love and concern. In this jubilee year of hope, give someone a reason to have hope in humanity. Allow God to move your heart to be a witness to love!