Ask a Priest: Can my baby go to heaven if he died before baptism?

Short answer: yes!

Long answer: It breaks my heart every time a mother or father asks that question upon the death of their infant or child. The untimely death is itself so heartbreaking. But coupled with that question filled with heart wrenching anguish begs the question who we think God is.   

The very reason that God creates us is to be with him in heaven for ever. We are not created with a 50/50 chance of getting to heaven. We have a God who not only loves us, but who is love! It is impossible for our heavenly Father to create us with the intention of abandoning us. In fact, the very reason our heavenly Father sent his Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to earth was not to limit his grace, but rather to make it all the more accessible. The sacraments themselves were not given by our Lord to limit his grace, but to make his presence and love all the more available… to flood the world with his loving presence, as St. Ignatius of Loyola put it: “to set the world on fire with His love, how I wish it were already burning.”

While Jesus told Nicodemus, “Amen, Amen, I say to you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit” (John 3:5), he did not set baptism as a hindrance to salvation but just the opposite. We so often judge things by human standards, but God is not restrained by our standards. He wants to assure us that his standards supersede ours and that, of course, is a much better deal! Our Lord wants to break us from judging simply by human standards and rather judge by divine standards, to open the world to His Spirit: “what is born of flesh is flesh and what is born of spirit is spirit” (John 3:6). 

The early church grappled with this question when the faithful were amazed that many from the Christian community died excruciating deaths because of their faith in Jesus. Among these martyrs were those not yet baptized, yet they died because of their faith. St. Augustine beautifully taught that the blood of martyrs served as the waters of baptism. In these extreme cases, the Church teaches a Baptism of blood, and also Baptism of desire, referring to one who desires baptism, like a catechumen, but also desire on the part of parents, and the whole church. When I am at the side of a child who has died without baptism, there is nothing I desire more than that child’s baptism.

The Catechism (CCC 1261) also reminds us that we entrust our children who have died without Baptism to the mercy of God. Indeed, we have funeral rites specifically for children. We are reminded that the great mercy of God desires that all men be saved. And of course the most consoling words of Jesus: “Let the children come to me, do not hinder them” (Mark 10:14).

As a priest, I am recommitting my life to consoling parents with these words. Many parents are so hard on themselves that they need to be continually supported with love and assurances of faith. They need to know their child has a place in heaven. When my heart is breaking while at the side of mourning parents with their child, I like to think what that child will look like in heaven. I like to think that this child is already having the beatific vision, seeing God face-to-face, and experiencing the glory prepared for us, which is so much greater than our pain and suffering. I imagine how that child will always pray for his or her parents and cheer them on to their reunion in heaven. I try repeating in my heart Jesus’ words: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God: have faith also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be” (John 14:1-3).