From military to Carmel: a vocation story

I was born and raised in Colorado Springs, Colo. My maternal grandparents were devout Catholics and my paternal grandparents were Southern Baptists. Both sets of grandparents were influential in my faith as they tried to help me see the importance of prayer and a relationship with Jesus. I especially remember my mom’s parents praying the rosary every evening together. I prayed with them most nights from the ages of about 8 to 13. The thought of becoming a religious sister never crossed my mind. Instead, I had a deep desire to join the military.

After high school, I enlisted in the Army as a Military Police Soldier and was stationed at Fort Hood, Texas. There I did basic law enforcement duties and prepared for deployments. I deployed to Baghdad, Iraq twice. My first deployment, 2004–05, was not too bad until my emotions started to surface, and questions like, “why would a loving God allow so much evil to happen?” I thought that God had abandoned me and did not see or care about the destruction that wars cause.

In 2006 I deployed again to Baghdad. This time things were a lot different. Al Qaida had moved into every major city of Iraq. Baghdad was not what I remembered from my first deployment. I saw more action on that deployment than on my first. In January 2007, my squad got into several gun fights that made me feel the worst I had ever felt. For three days, I felt nothing but rage, and nothing and no one could help. I did not like the person I was turning into.

Finally, I remembered something my grandparents had told me when I was growing up. When things seem unbearable, ask the Blessed Mother for help. For the first time in years I prayed. I repeated over and over again, “Help me Mother of God.” After about 15 minutes I felt like a boulder had been taken off my shoulder and a peace like I had never felt before came over me. It stayed with me the rest of my deployment, even though things did not calm down. I began praying the rosary and reading the Bible every day. It was at this time I started researching religious life. Immediately I found four different Communities that attracted me.

After I returned to the United States, I was stationed in Arizona. There I discovered the Lay Carmelites in Tuscon and began attending their meetings. They were studying the Rule of St. Albert. It was in studying the Carmelite Rule (written by St. Albert of Jerusalem in 1207) that I realized my vocation to Carmel. In Chapter 14 of the Carmelite Rule, it mentions the spiritual warfare that all of us are undergoing and how we all must put on the armor of God quoting Ephesians 6:10. “Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil.” Like the first Carmelites on Mount Carmel, I too find the Carmelite Rule resounding in my heart as I strive daily to live “in allegiance to Jesus Christ,” following in his footsteps (chapter 1 of the Carmelite Rule).

Many Carmelite saints came to Carmel to save souls through a life of prayer. We hold deeply the priesthood and the many intentions of priests. Because of my own unique vocation and experience in the military, I have a strong desire to pray in a special way for Veterans. If you know any Veterans, please send their names to me and I will lift them up in prayer.

Carmel of Mary
17765 78th Street SE
Wahpeton, ND 58075

[email protected]