God works in the silence

It’s seems hard for me to believe that I will be starting my third year of seminary formation this fall. My first two years have gone by quickly despite the semesters that seem to take forever. What has been even more amazing to me have been all the places that God has taken me that I never would have expected to go.

In May, I finished my first two years of pre-theology at Mount St. Mary’s Seminary in Emmitsburg, Md., which is where I will continue with my next four years of theology. This summer however, instead of being in a parish in the Diocese of Fargo, I am in Omaha, Neb. at Creighton University participating in the Institute for Priestly Formation (IPF) program. This nine-week program has a relaxed seminary feel but is focused primarily on the spiritual growth of the seminarian. There are about 150 seminarians from across the country to attend this program each summer. We have classes every day, but there is also plenty of time for prayer and leisure built into the schedule. 

This program has allowed for a lot of spiritual growth for me this summer. Some seminarians here have had big, memorable moments with the Lord in prayer, but that isn’t quite the case for me. For me, I’ve noticed a slow but steady growth in my love for the Lord. I have also been able to rest and recognize his presence better in my life, something that can be tough in the busyness of typical seminary semester. Through all of this, more than anything, I have noticed a greater trust in the Lord. 

One of the first things that happens during IPF is we go on an eight-day silent retreat. For me, this retreat went slow for the first four days. I didn’t feel God stirring me much in prayer. It was challenging and quite frustrating. I questioned whether I was going to receive much fruit from this retreat. The last four days seemed to go better, and faster too, but it was still a little frustrating for me. At this point, I felt myself being challenged to trust God even more, despite my growing desire to be back in the Diocese of Fargo at a parish.

During my struggles, I reflected and prayed with John 21:18 which says, “Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you fastened your own belt and walked where you would; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will fasten your belt for you and carry you where you do not wish to go.” I found a lot of consolation in this verse. I felt Jesus asking me to trust him with everything in my life and that he was giving me the strength to do so. I found myself able to say “yes” to the things that I didn’t want to do.

My experience at IPF has allowed me to grow much closer to the Lord than I expected to this summer. Instead of disliking my summer and wishing I could have been elsewhere, I’m now thankful for being at IPF and for all the generous benefactors who’ve allowed me to have this opportunity. My experience will certainly strengthen me to continue to say “yes” to the Lord in the future, wherever he decides to take me.