Healing hurting marriages: A lifeline that can help

“I felt that there was no turning back after everything,” said Dawn Rossow. “Luckily, Josh was strong and had hope that we were meant to stay married. That God wanted us to stay married.”

Josh and Dawn Rossow of Zeeland have been married 18 years and have four children. They work construction and carpentry together and hope to open a German restaurant in the future. When communication issues in their marriage hit their peak, Dawn moved out. Shortly after, their marriage counselor recommended they attend a Retrouvaille weekend.

They hesitated at first, uncertain what the weekend would be like or if they’d be able to relate to anyone there, but for the sake of their marriage and family, they attended a weekend in October 2020.

“We were afraid we might have to talk in front of people, and it wasn’t like that at all,” said Josh. “Your issues stay between you and your spouse. The word that kept coming up for me over the weekend was ‘hope.’ When we first got there, there was this heavy feeling in the air. No one really wanted to be there with each other, but by the end, it was a completely different atmosphere.”

The focus of the weekend experience is to help husbands and wives reestablish communication and restore trust and intimacy in their relationship.

“It’s helped our kids, our whole family,” said Dawn. “We’re living under the same roof again and learning to communicate again. When we’re slacking on communicating, we’re able to realize that and start again.”

“It’s like pushing a reset button,” Josh said.

Paul and Barbara Loegering lived in Fargo for many years before retiring to Felton, Minn. Paul worked for O’Day Tank and Steel for 38 years while Barbara raised their eight children. They decided to attend a Retrouvaille weekend together in March after one of their sons and his wife attended and recommended it. They’ve been married 52 years.

“We didn’t have any huge problems in our marriage other than retirement,” Paul said. “I spent my life working. Barb spent her life raising our children. I had my life, and she had hers. We were living a separate married life.”

“I’ve gotten to know Paul better in these last few months,” said Barb, adding, “It’s for your marriage, but it also involves your children and friends. Our marriage is between us, but it goes beyond us too.”

Paul noted that during Retrouvaille he learned to prioritize his marriage. “If we can’t make 10-20 minutes a day for our spouse, there’s something wrong. I’m more aware of Barb’s need to do simple things like helping around the house. It’s meaningful for her.”

The weekend experience is followed by six aftercare sessions that deepen the skills learned during the weekend. They provide a foundation for the long-term health of the couple’s marriage. Monthly support meetings are also available moving forward to keep marriages on track.

“Retrouvaille talks about being an organization that helps marriages that are struggling, and that’s true,” said Paul, “but I think Retrouvaille is also a place for couples who want to go deeper and to love more. I encourage retired folk to do it. It doesn’t mean your marriage is in deep trouble, but if you take a hard look at your marriages, there’s always room for improvement. We’ve always been together these 52 years, but we were walking our separate paths. Now we’ve come together, walking hand-in-hand, literally, more than we ever did before.”

There are two initial weekends in Fargo each year, one in the spring and one in the fall. The next Retrouvaille weekend is Oct. 22–24. Retrouvaille is open to any married couple regardless of faith tradition. More information can be found at helpourmarriage.org.

“No matter how big or small your problem is, no matter how long or short you’ve been married, Retrouvaille is for you,” said Dawn.

“It’s never too late,” said Josh. “There’s always the opportunity for forgiveness and healing. Every obstacle can be overcome.”