Learning to be joyful and prayerful from our children

Sofia Calvaletti, co-founder of the Catechesis of the Good Shephard, said, “for children, prayer is like breathing, it comes very naturally.” Really? Have you tried praying with my kids?

We often view prayer as formal prayers said with specific words in a specific way. While that’s an important form of prayer, it’s not the only form of prayer. Prayer is also an act of listening, making ourselves open to hear what God is saying to us, and being receptive to him and the gifts he desires to give us.

When I think of prayer in this way, I can see what Calvaletti meant. Children are not like adults. They do not have a to-do list for the day. They aren’t stressing about money or worried about what was said the day before. They have an uncanny ability to be present, to be in the moment, and to receive and enjoy life as it is right now.

Some days when I’m busy in the kitchen—trying to clean-up and maybe finally get the dishes done—my infant son David has had enough. The screaming starts. But I’m almost done with dishes, one more sink-full! No luck, he’s upset.

Okay, what is it? Diaper? Thirsty? Bored? It’s none of those things. We go outside and I set him down on the sidewalk. Now he’s happy.

The thought occurs to me: what if I just slip in and sweep while keeping an eye on him from the doorway? I try this. The crying starts again, so I finally stop and sit down with him. That’s all he needed. He doesn’t want to be held or played with. He only needs me to stop doing other stuff for a moment.

David begins watching an ant crawling on the sidewalk with amazement. He gets up on his hands and knees, following it closely. It disappears into the grass. He sits down and looks around. Seeing another one, he repeats his actions. It’s a moment for me to be still. I wonder, what is God saying to me right now in this situation? Here is David enjoying God’s creation, receiving it with wonder and joy. Is this a form of prayer? Is this what God wants me to do right now? I sit back and watch my son. How amazing—this child is crawling, pointing, smiling, sitting, and almost standing. What a gift it is for me to sit in wonder. Here is a moment of being. Here is a moment of prayer.

Prayer with children is much more about receiving than doing. As a first-time mom, I’ve struggled with the shift from my own time and space every morning for quiet prayer to being up at 5 a.m. some mornings with a screaming little one. Over time, I’ve found a habit of daily prayer that works for both me and David.

After breakfast, David and I go to our prayer table, a corner desk covered by a simple, sewn cotton tablecloth that matches the color of the liturgical season. The table has a Bible, candle, crucifix, Marian icon, and holy water bottle. First we ring a bell. David always smiles at this. Then we light a candle and sing a song or two. After singing, we bless ourselves with the holy water. At first David always tried to drink it. Now he holds out his finger to get the water and tries to either bless me, himself, or—if he’s really thirsty—his tongue. 

I then kneel and make the sign of the cross before the crucifix, saying, “Jesus, help me to love like you today.” We give Jesus a kiss. Once again, David always smiles at this. While his kisses are messy, they are no less affectionate! We finish by blowing the candle out and watching the smoke rise.

Prayer with David is short and simple. I never force David to join or pay attention. If he wants to crawl away and play, that’s fine, but he rarely does. At the sound of the bell, he moves towards the prayer corner excitedly. He often dances to the songs we sing and eagerly awaits to touch the holy water bottle. He smiles when I lift the crucifix and offer it to him to touch or kiss.

Our prayer time consists of concrete actions that he can receive through his senses. I know he is taking in all we do, even on days when it seems like he’s not paying attention. Each day I am renewed and fed with this simple prayer. Here is a moment of being with my son and enjoying God’s love for us together. Here I receive. The Good Shepherd feeds me too.