Prayer is a battle well worth the fight

“Prayer is a battle.” (CCC #2725) I know from my own life experience how much of a battle it can be. I have been Catholic all my life and grew up with parents whose faith came alive when I was a young girl. I remember my mom praying with me at bedtime and teaching me to use my own words to talk to Jesus, thank him, and ask him for help. On every road trip, Dad led the Rosary in the car and had each family member take turns leading a decade. My parents were always involved in church activities and that was just the way of life in my family. They were generous with their time, talent, and treasure. I went on all the youth retreats, sang in the youth choir, and graduated from Catholic High School.

As I was growing up, I encountered the personal love of Christ for myself—the same love my parents confidently spoke about—and I knew deep down that it would affect my entire life. I began praying on my own, reading scripture, and journaling. My personal prayer life skyrocketed while I was a missionary with NET (National Evangelization Teams). I was on a team with ten other young adults who loved Jesus and his Church, and we were required to have daily team prayer together plus we held one another accountable to spend time in personal prayer. This supportive environment allowed my faith to take hold and gave me the training and skills to share my faith with others. I went on to a Catholic college to study Theology and Religious Education and was again surrounded by vibrant Catholics striving to live as Christ’s disciples.

However, once I left that nurturing environment, I began to struggle with personal prayer. I got caught up in my job—full-time church work—and spent less and less regular quiet time in prayer. God, who was my dearly beloved Father while growing up, was becoming more and more distant, like a powerful man whom I worked for but never socialized with outside of the office. I admired him and tried to be like him, but I didn’t feel close to him.

Over the years, I’ve had seasons of intimacy with the Lord Jesus. I would go on a retreat and come away refreshed and back into the habit of daily quiet time with our Lord. Over time, I might skip a day or two and then sloth would get the best of me and my love of sleep would frequently win out over time spent alone with Jesus. Prayer is a battle that I often don’t ‘fight.’ Since living on my own, I’ve thought of my personal prayer life like a rollercoaster ride. The dry seasons of desolation are the slow climb up a steep incline or maybe the boring time waiting in line. It takes perseverance and determination. But the beautiful seasons of consolation in prayer are the exciting and fun upside-down loops and steep drops. There’s nothing better!

So where am I now? I’m still struggling but not giving up! I gathered a group of three other women to join me during Lent in doing the series called “Oremus” by Ascension Press. It was supposed to take eight weeks but ended up taking twice as long due to scheduling conflicts and my lack of motivation. Yet we persevered and gained a better understanding of how to pray, to come into intimate communion with our Lord Jesus through scripture, imaginative prayer, lectio divina, and other prayer methods. The series was a wonderful reminder that my loving Father who made me is constantly inviting me to spend time with him.

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.” This is one of my favorite scriptures because I struggle so much with personal prayer but have experienced the wonderful fruits of a strong prayer life. The words of this Psalm resonate in my heart and bring me peace. If you ever find yourself failing in the battle of prayer, be encouraged that you are not alone. Prayer is a battle, but it’s worth the fight.

CCC 2725: “Prayer is both a gift of grace and a determined response on our part. It always presupposes effort. The great figures of prayer of the Old Covenant before Christ, as well as the Mother of God, the saints, and he himself, all teach us this: prayer is a battle. Against whom? Against ourselves and against the wiles of the tempter who does all he can to turn man away from prayer, away from union with God. We pray as we live, because we live as we pray. If we do not want to act habitually according to the Spirit of Christ, neither can we pray habitually in his name. The ‘spiritual battle’ of the Christian's new life is inseparable from the battle of prayer.”