When I felt the initial call to seminary, I was less than thrilled. At the time, I considered seminary to mean a dull life of prayer and studying, all in preparation to become a priest. Additionally, my previous experience of leaving home for an extended time consisted of Basic Military Training, followed by isolation and mentally challenging training. Looking back, I think that this experience had a significant impact on my expectations for seminary. Why this is and how it makes any sense is an excellent question, but nonetheless, this heavily impacted my anxiety at arriving at St. Gregory the Great Seminary.
However, a huge turning point for me was to shift my perspective in prayer. Instead of constantly asking the Lord whether he was calling me to seminary, I prayed that if it were his will that I go, he would give me the grace and courage to say yes. This prayer yielded a significant amount of peace and helped me to move forward in my decision to go to seminary. In addition to this, I was able to spend time with some of my brother seminarians as a camp counselor and during the annual week of fraternity before leaving for St. Gregory’s. This time and the stories of my brother seminarians helped to dispel some of my fears and preconceived notions of what seminary was like.
My first week at seminary quickly put whatever remaining fears I had to rest. The moment I arrived, I had two or three guys welcome me and help me unpack. The next day was spent playing outdoor games, tackling obstacle courses, and a high-wire challenge. All the returning seminarians were welcoming and quick to assist in any way and bonds quickly formed. This was followed by a two-day silent retreat, moving from human to spiritual formation. The first gospel reflection for our retreat was the Baptism of Jesus. What especially struck me from this were the words of God the Father, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” These words struck me instantly, and I felt that the Lord was speaking directly to my heart.
Fast forward a couple of months, and we were making a three-day silent retreat on our return from Christmas break. Sure enough, one of the verses given to me for meditation was the Baptism of Jesus and again, those same words struck me again, an overwhelming reminder that I was indeed God’s beloved son.
We are now well on our way into the spring semester. Those bonds which were formed in the first few days have continued to grow, and I’ve found a true brotherhood that is firmly rooted in Christ in my fellow seminarians. In addition to this, those words that were so potent in my first few days, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased” have continued to reverberate and take root in my heart. Thanks to my formation director, spiritual director, and daily prayer, the theme of surrendering to the love of the Father and truly becoming his son has been consistent throughout my time at seminary. Repeatedly, the Lord has shown me that I am indeed his son, and he has called me to “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.”
I can say that, no matter what my vocation might be in life, my time at the seminary has been incredible. The Lord has been lavish in his generosity and has taught me the beauty of surrender to his will.